two babies in the family is more than enough

No, it's not about birth control. It's about the youngest kids in the family, or we used to called 'bungsu'.
Suami and I are the youngest kids in our family. For our sisters and brothers, we are truly babies in the family but if you ask us, we will say we were never been treated like 'bungsu'. We were very independent for a 'bungsu'. That's what all 'bungsu's would say =).
In our first months marriage, I tought we as a couple were totally the coolest couple ever. You know, because we care less of things. But when we have two kids within two years, and stubbornly moved out from my parents' house, well I guess these bungsus are really learning the lessons.
After a year living without any interuption from the elders, I realized that this bungsu thing is really a problem. When I was a little kid, whenever I have problem I just turn my back and found my brothers and sister there. While now, when I turn back, I say someone who also turn his back and ask for help. I said, supporting means getting involve while he said, supporting means stay out of it. After a while I felt overwhelmed. This could not be happen to Malika and Safir.
When giving our childs' name, I always think a kingdom structure. Malika, as the oldest, means the queen. While Safir has 'Maulana' in his middle name, means the smart one. This is my kind of hope, in the family, you need to support one to another. Protect each other in order to make a big and wealthy kingdow. Malika will guide her brother with her wisdom while Safir will keep her sister on the right track with his brain. That's the ideal structure for me. Because I am kind of sick with the structure where the youngest has no responsibility other than to obey. My parents tended to give hard and strong education for one kid in order to make his siblings follow hihttp://nutrisiuntukbangsa.org/lomba-penulisan-blog-peran-ibu-untuk-si-pemimpin-kecil/m. But that was so old school.

It reminds me also with the class level in the kitchen that my mom used when I was a kid. Because I was the smallest, in the kitchen my mom would ask me a simple thing to do, sliced. While my big sister would do the 'ulek'. Unfotunately, those conditions valid untill more than 20 years later. The youngest means the weakest? That would not happen anymore when you have 'bungsu' parents, otherwise there will be a family full of uninitiative and dependent kids.

So, when my kids who only got separated in 19 months of age, are able to fight for things such as toys, I hold myself to say, "Malika, give it to Safir. You are the older, step back a little bit."
But then what should I say? A first, I try to score, when is the time Malika should step back and when is Safir? But then I lose my counting.

I remember attending a Parenthink seminar with sigoloktoge and Mona Ratuliu. He said that kid's brain is just like a computer. They think in one way. Therefore, they can't think back and forward. And what I did is definitely not suitable, because both Malika and Safir couln't read the message I was trying to give.
So, I try a one fair rule, who hold it first, then the other should ask permission to borrow it. If he doesn't want to give it, then he should find things to exchange the toy. The message is never let your siblings cried for toy or you will never enjoy the playtime.
The challenge of this rule is, I need to involve whenever they play. So I would able to know whose got it first. Well that's what parents are for.

Another equal condition is whenever I breastfeed Safir then Malika is in a very bad mood and ask me carry her, I let her cry for 5 minutes. And if Safir hasn't finish sucking, I force him to let it out after 5 minutes, and let him cry for another 5 minutes while I am carrying on Malika. And so on. Being fair is kind of a challenge when you are alone.
Or when we are trying to tidy up the mess. At first, Malika would do Safir's toys, because she thought that Safir too slow was to do that. But I forbid her to do that, "you may help, but don't do it all. Let him learn to clean up his toys."

This is just a baby step. I remember one time interviewing Alissa Wahid, she said in her childhood there are nothing such as the oldest and the youngest issue. Every kid has their own reponsibilities in the house. And they can exchange the responsibilities  due to the condition.

That is one of my purpose. You can never tell what would happen in the family, therefore you need to know how to solve things together. Then you can go out a be a leader for the society. Amin. #LombaBlogNUB

Kerudung, Jilbab, Hijab .... (Setelah dua puluh tahun ....)

Lama aku membolak-balik halaman album fotoku. Terpaku memandangi foto diri sendiri. Bukan karena narsis, tetapi karena teringat ucapan teman SD di komentar facebooknya. Ati, muka lo ga berubah dari duluu!!!
Ini bukan kali pertama dia berkata begitu. Masa, sih? Ada separuh ge er bercampur di kalimat tanyaku. Setelah lama termenung, aku tersenyum sendiri karena tahu jawabannya.
Ini karena jilbabku.
Sekarang orang ramai menyebutnya hijab.

Lebih dari dua puluh tahun yang lalu, ketika aku memasuki sekolah menengah pertama dengan status negeri, aku justru memutuskan untuk tetap mengenakan hijab. Hijab yang kala di bangku SD Muhammadiyah, hanya seumur upacara sekolah dan menjadi syal di leher saat pulang sekolah.
Saat itu aku tidak banyak berpikir. Aku hanya merasa, tidak ada yang salah dengan memakai jilbab. Dahulu, hanya mereka yang telah mendapat 'pencerahan' yang berani memutuskan berjilbab. Berani keluar dari kemilau fashion terkini. Sedangkan aku yang tomboy, tidak pernah peduli soal fashion, jadi kenapa harus takut berjilbab?
Jilbab saat itu adalah kain yang dipotong 115 cm dan dineci pinggirnya. Sesederhana itu. Hijab gaya tanpa banyak biaya? Memang tidak banyak makan biaya, tetapi belum tentu gaya.
Aku ingat di bangku kelas 1 SMP, aku pernah mencoba gaya Neno Warisman dengan dua lapis jilbab. Gaya yang sangat boros di cucian dan berat di kepala karena bahan katun yang bertumpuk-tumpuk.
Atau ada masanya aku ingin kerudung yang menjuntai panjang di belakang. Untuk itu aku lipat satu ujungnya sedikit saja sebelum dikenakan dan efek panjang pun didapat tetapi aku harus menggunakan satu renteng peniti untuk menata bagian depannya. Gaya yang membuat kain kerudungku cepat rusak karena penuh lubang.
Banyak orang bilang, dengan berhijab maka menjauhkan diri digoda oleh orang-orang jahil. Sorry to saya, sejak aku TK hingga sekarang, apa pun yang aku kenakan sepertinya tidak menyurutkan keinginan orang untuk tidak menggodaku. Sehingga akhirnya aku pun berhenti berpakaian untuk orang lain.

Gaya bukanlah berarti menjadi perhatian orang. Gaya berarti membuatmu nyaman dan senang.

Gaya bergo panjang lalu muncul ketika aku hendak duduk di kelas tiga SMP. Praktis memang, hanya saja kepalaku nan bundar dan lonjong ini jadi samgat menonjol. Aku ingat teman cowokku senang menggunyeng-ngunyeng kepalaku yang terasa licin dan bulat.

Lalu akhirnya muncullah kain untuk jilbab, dengan renda di pinggirnya. Belinya jauh. Harus ke Bukittinggi dulu. Aku cukup lama bertahan dengan jilbab ini. Saat kuliah, aku menikmati hari-hari berjilbab dengan warna selain putih. Walau masih dengan kain dari Bukittinggi itu.

Lalu di tahun kedua, mulailah bermunculan hijab-hijab Timur Tengah modern. Tren muslimsh mengenakan pakaian tertutup tetapi ketat dari ujung kepala hingga kaki. Yah, namanya juga baru belajar, kataku dalam hati. Sedangkan aku sudah lama malang melintang dan memutuskan bergaya jilbab tomboy. Jika sedang ingin tampil manis, aku ikat ujungnya. Selebihnya, biasa saja. Aku bisa melakukannya tanpa harus menggunakan cermin.

Setahun setelah lulus aku justru bekerja di kantor yang bernuansa islami. Banyak gaya yang kulihat tetapi tidak banyak yang kucoba. Hijab yang begitu rapat di leher tidak masuk dalam daftarku, karena aku gelian. Belum lagi, bahan yang digunakan terlalu lunak sehingga tidak cocok dengan raut wajahku yang ekspresif. Efek rapi hanya bertahan hingga masuk bus, dan kemudian acak kadut ketika turun dari bus yang penuh sesak itu.
Evolusi dalaman kerudung sudah kumulai sejak awal. Aku memang suka menampilkan dalam kerudung terlebih yang berbeda warna. Mulai dari kerudung segitiga yang kupakai saat madrasah ketika SD, scarf mama waktu di Eropa, hingga kemudian mencoba ciput dengan cara yang salah sehingga lebih terlihat seperti topi, padahal harus bertemu tamu dengan jabatan tinggi. Hijab gaya tanpa banyak biaya. Memang betul, karena saat itu mulai ramai penjual hijab. Tetapi hijab gaya itu mulai meminta perhatian dengan mematut di cermin sedikit lebih lama.
Aku mencoba mengikuti perkembangannya walau tidak selalu. Karena memang bukan itu niat awal berhijab. Bukan untuk terlihat fashionable. Dan ketika kita mulai terlalu berusaha untuk itu, niatan awal jadi melenceng.
Hingga, bertahun-tahun kemudian berada di zona nyaman berkerudung, terjadilah sesuatu. Saat tengah bermain dengan anak-anakku di taman, ada dua orang wanita menghampiriku.
"Teh, teteh kerja di sini?" tanyanya.
Aku terbengong melihatnya. Lalu matanya bergerak-gerak ke arah anak-anakku. Damn, aku dikira pembantu.
"ini anak-anakku." Lalu mereka pun berlalu.
Suamiku tertawa mendengarnya. Memang sejak mengundurkan diri dari dunia profesional, aku hanya mengandalkan jilbab bergo ketika pergi ke mana-mana. Toh, hanya ke taman di dekat rumah.
Dan peristiwa itu membuatku tidak nyaman. Bukan karena merasa lebih tinggi dari orang lain tetapi bukankah kini aku tidak hanya merepresentasikan diriku saja tetapi juga suami. Kita semua tahu begitu lihat seorang wanita terlihat lusuh, pasti lidah gatal ingin berkomentar, "Ga diurusin sama suaminya, ya."
Sepertinya sudah saatnya aku update hijab. Dan beberapa hari setelah itu aku sibuk membuka-buka katalog online shop milik temanku. Mencari hijab gaya tanpabanyak biaya. Lalu aku buka lagi gantungan jilbabku. Aku tidak pernah menyortir jilbab. Rasanya aneh. Tidak sama dengan baju. Dan kemudian kuambil beberapa untuk kupadupadankan. Bukankah itu yang dilakukan para muallaf di Eropa yang minim stok hijab? Mereka berkreasi.
Yah, hijab itu masih nangkring di kepalaku. Dan apa pun bahan dan bentuknya, ia tetap membingkai wajahku dengan cara yang sama. Pantaslah mukaku terlihat sama. Penampilanku tidak memiliki dampak seperti model rambut. Walau saat masih jadul, tersesat, malas, atau bahkan ketika sedang genius merangkai jilbab, mukaku tetap sama. Dengan rekah senyum yang serupa. Jadi, buat apa repot?

(Give Away Idul Adha dari Hijaiya)

A Little Woman Whose Inspired by Jo "The Little Women"

At that time, I was just 9 years old. Sitting alone in my room, writing something in my diary. My Mom went in. Her face looked unhappy. "Kids. Writing a diary like a grown ups, huh!"

Not for long, my sister came in. She just stood there by the door for a while and said, "You will be become a writer, someday." Yes, I will, I said to myself.

From the first time I saw a cartoon series called "The Little Women", I know that "Jo" is the best character in that series. Jo is the second daughter of 4 from the Little's. Unlike her sisters, Jo has a strong character. She is very energetic and full of enthusiatism. Willing to sacrifice more than the other. And she wanted to become a famous writer. Although at the end, she didn't success of being a writer, she still put smile on her face and walk proudly.

Jo is not only want to be a writer, but she also dream and live like a writer. When I chose IPA in my high school, I still want to be a writer. Though I chose Medical Faculty as my first choise for college, I remembered Mira W. who is a doctor yet a famous writer. And when at the end, I didn't pass Medical and Psychology Faculty as my first and my second choice, I felt that it was my destiny to live my life as a Dutch Literature student.

And that’s true. I was living my dream. I fell in love everyday. And a year after my graduation day, I became an editor in one of the biggest publisher in Indonesia. God is good.

After seven years swimming in lake of books, I decided to focus on my children. But I never stop writing. In fact, I can write even more. Short stories, songs, and poetries. Just like Jo. She couldn't have kids, so she make her house as a place for foster kids. Lots of kids. With her husband, they grew up the kids with love, adventure, and laughter.

“Tulisan ini diikutsertakan dalam GA pertama Mencari Motivasi”